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This table has been assembled from my experiences over recent years with various customers. I post it here for other business owners, in the hope that they may avoid what I did not. I made this because I realised I needed a strategy to cope with the various types of people described below: they are no doubt fairly widespread across the planet, so I need to learn to deal with them.
| type | behaviours | stink factor | reason | early warning signs | responses |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| egg-sucker | tries to tell me how to do my job and/or patronises me when I try and do it | 40% | demeaning, time-wasting | pays no attention to my opinions; says "you're just the xxxxx guy, what do you know?" | set the boundaries; demonstrate the unworkability of their ideas (if appropriate); request useful alternatives; explain technical challenges; explain where responsibility for what lies |
| tyre-kicker I | talks about ordering, but doesn't order | 20% | time-wasting | too many meetings, not enough cheques | get the cash flowing early, to gain commitment and build trust; else, the Sin Bin |
| tyre-kicker II | talks about lots of interesting things, sends some support jobs in preparation for some big and promising project, but doesn't ever actually order anything | 30% | time-wasting | no purchases at all, despite a period of association | wait for an order before doing any work; else, the Sin Bin |
| tyre-kicker III | goes through a lengthy planning process, then walks away when it comes to ordering (free plan in hand) | 50% | time-wasting | defers payment for time spent on planning until project completion | ensure the customer is billed as the project proceeds for the R&D they use, and/or a deposit is paid; if unwilling, the Sin Bin |
| crazy tyre-kicker | talks about ordering, pays a deposit, but strings out ordering seemingly forever | 20% | time-wasting, but at least I have some of the cash | dithers with the contract; frets about payments and payment schedules | insist on payment in advance and signed contracts; ensure quotations, proposals and contracts have expiry dates |
| puzzle-maker | orders, but feeds details of the order one piece at a time through a variety of different communications channels, sometimes over a period of a week or more, sometimes contradicting each other, occasionally sending an update to the update before the blizzard is complete, requiring extensive deciphering and reassembly | 30% | time-wasting, brain-draining, error-prone | the increasing use of multiple channels; no visible plan; changing specifications | set the boundaries - reject all but certain types of update in almost all circumstances; explain why the use of multiple channels is bad; explain how changing the spec will cost them money |
| middle-earther I | orders, but supplies unusable and/or incomplete raw materials, occasionally expecting repairs for free as "part of the service", occasionally proceeding to complain when said repairs are not as desired, despite no specification having been provided, and certainly never agreed upon prior to the order | 40% | time-wasting, impedes optimal performance, sometimes loss-making; see arm-twister | supplies inappropriate raw materials | immediately bounce the problem back to the customer without doing any work on it; insist on professional and complete raw materials; explain where responsibility for what lies |
| middle-earther II | orders and expects immediate delivery | 30% | attempts to push in the queue; disrupts my workflow and my schedule; puts me in a hurry; error-prone | previous similar demands | set the boundaries - reject work submitted on short notice in almost all circumstances; explain why urgent work causes a problem |
| middle-earther III | orders a skyscraper, insists on viewing work during construction, and then freaks out when on the first viewing, all they see is a big hole in the ground | 30% | fails to appreciate the planning and engineering involved in building such a hole | a lack of understanding of skyscraper construction | attempt to explain skyscraper construction prior to the first viewing; point out the marvels of the hole at the time |
| middle-earther IV | orders a skyscraper, insists on blow-by-blow updates on construction, and then freaks out when they fail to understand the various setbacks and issues that inevitably arise | 50% | time-wasting, introduces needless pressure, causes Chinese Whispers when they bitch to their colleagues (about things they have no clue about, but think they do) | micro-management - constant questions and interference in the project at hand | tell them - I need some time to get this built. I will tell you when it is working. |
| middle-earther V | demands timescales, despite numerous unknowns; later, any estimates given will be used as evidence of a broken "agreement" | 50% | there no logical justification for their belief that a timescale is possible - how long is a piece of string? I don't have "psychic" in my advertising literature. Their questions are stupid, any answer equally so. All this does is put me in a hurry; error-prone. | previous similar demands; begins a sentence with "not to put too much pressure on you, but..." | set the boundaries - reject demands for timescales, explain why they are unreasonable |
| middle-earther VI | demands, due to their belief in voodoo computing, that all work be done twice, in two different ways, "just to make sure" | 30% | time-wasting. Yes, there are bugs, particularly with certain items of commercial software which cause anomalous behaviour, however these should be addressed as they arise, not in anticipation. | previous similar demands; begins a sentence with "can you just..."; ends sentence with "...just so it's all tickety-boo". | set the boundaries - reject demands for doubling up, explain the process for fault resolution |
| middle-earther VII | has detailed plans of a skyscraper drawn up, is ready to order, and has a tight timescale - despite this, insists on a price for the next two or three skyscrapers | 40% | time-wasting, potentially loss-making (quoting on a skyscraper involves detailed planning. This will set back the construction of the first and most urgent skyscraper. Not only this, technologies may change in between now and then, disadvantaging one or both of us.) | tries to cram three skyscrapers into one project; continuously adds new features to the specification for the first skyscraper, even while final negotiations for its price are occuring | Resist attempts by the customer to bring unrelated work into the project. Defer these items for "stage 2" or "post-launch". Refuse to provide costings for the additional stages; offer a "rough idea" ONLY, include subject to change disclaimer. Explain that the planning involved will prevent the timescale for the first skyscraper being met. Explain that in order to provide a buffer against input cost fluctuations, I will significantly over-estimate the likely price. |
| delusional comptroller | withholds or obscures vital information; likes being the gatekeeper; throws after-the-fact curveballs; orders new kit without consultation | 30% | these people should leave computers to the pros, and get on with their real jobs, which they are much better at | piles of undistributed supplier updates; constant searching for information; says "oh!, I hope that works with the new xxx I just ordered!" | ensure customer is aware there are interdependencies between their systems that they do not understand, and that is why they pay someone to help them |
| steaming psychotic | for months, silently blames ourselves for an intermittent hardware fault, finally exploding and becoming extremely hostile | 50% | time-wasting, loss-making | an abrupt and unexpected downturn in the quality of the relationship; calls for wholesale replacement of infrastructure | automated monitoring systems; regular verbal checks - "everything OK?" - call the customer, if we don't hear from them for a while, to check |
| budget-wrecker | orders and receives, but does not pay when they say they will | 60% | damages my cashflow; occasionally results in me breaking a promise to a third party, in consequence of the promise to me to pay being broken | frets about payments and payment schedules; mentions other financial commitments | credit-hold, then insist on payment in advance |
| late-payer | orders and receives, but takes ages to pay | 70% | damages my cashflow; denies me investment opportunities; involves multiple time-consuming cost-incurring chase-ups | previous late payments | credit-hold, then COD, penalties (interest, late payment fees), then the Sin Bin |
| double-crosser | orders and receives, but doesn't pay | 100% | time-consuming, loss-making; damages my cashflow; denies me investment opportunities; involves multiple time-consuming cost-incurring chase-ups | pays no attention to the bill he's running up; earlier late payments | credit-hold; then COD; penalties (interest, late payment fees, suspension and/or cancellation of services), then the Sin Bin |
| piss-taker I | orders and receives, and then refuses to pay without a substantial discount | 80% | time-consuming, loss-making, deceitful | weaselish behaviour; insists on discussing money in private | the Sin Bin |
| piss-taker II | orders and receives, and then disputes the order and demands a discount, or refuses to pay at all | 80% | time-consuming, loss-making, deceitful | weaselish behaviour; insists on discussing money in private | the Sin Bin |
| piss-taker III | orders and receives, and then claims the work was expected to be done free, as part of a service previously provided and allegedly incomplete | 80% | time-consuming, loss-making, deceitful | weaselish behaviour; insists on discussing money in private | the Sin Bin |
| piss-taker IV | orders and receives, and then claims the work is incomplete and/or unnecessary and/or overpriced | 80% | time-consuming, loss-making, deceitful | weaselish behaviour; insists on discussing money in private | the Sin Bin |
| piss-taker V | orders and receives, defers payment until "next time", at which point they claim they have already paid | 80% | time-consuming, loss-making, deceitful | weaselish behaviour; insists on discussing money in private | the Sin Bin |
| piss-taker VI | completes project themselves, thus reducing their costs, but also preventing me from recuperating mine | 50% | time-consuming, loss-making | a propensity for hands-on activity; unwillingness to spend money | ensure the customer is billed as the project proceeds for the R&D they use |
| backdoor-discount-seeker | orders, but part-way through delivery adds a bunch of new work to the spec, hoping to "squeeze it in" to the current job and price | 30% | time-consuming, pressures me to extend a discount, potentially loss-making | tightness with cash; starts to order new work with the phrase "as part of what you're doing already..." | politely refuse the offer to do free work; outline where my costs would be negatively affected; offer credit if appropriate; offer a token freebie as an appeaser |
| backdoor-credit-seeker | orders and receives, and then makes payment conditional on the completion of additional work | 60% | time-consuming, deceitful, exposes me to their later default, forces me to extend credit, bullying | weaselish behaviour; insists on discussing money in private | the Sin Bin |
| likely-to-default | orders and receives, and then "loses" the invoice, or claims it was never sent, or claims the secretary deleted it, and/or requires multiple steps to obtain payment, and/or cannot be contacted regarding payment (with client/at lunch/not in today/on phone) | 80% | time-consuming, loss-making, deceitful | weaselish behaviour; insists on discussing money in private | the Sin Bin |
This where customers in need of attitude adjustment are sent. The Sin Bin is characterised by the following:
See also: /dev/null
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